I didn't forget where I came from, I just refused to stay there.

-Anonymous

These days, we live in a society that is extremely superficial. We base everything that we are based on 2 things, what we HAVE and what they SAY. It can make for an existence that unfolds as a place of mental anguish and struggle because we become insatiable by reaching for anything and do not feel as if we are good enough, despite how successful we are.

Self-worth is something that comes from the inside. The truth is that self-worth cannot be found in all of these material things, social clout or connections. You will not find your self-worth from external factors!

Outward appearances are highly subject to change. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The excessive value that society places on visible appearances is driven by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in our mental head space. This means, that all outward appearances are just that - looks - or misconceptions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not actually real. It simply means that the things you tend to hold on to closely and that you use to judge your own worth comparative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all which is your mind. Therefore, they are apt to readjust based on your thoughts. After all, it is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them.

Most people's worst enemy are themselves. They stand in the way of so much! They maintain 1-sided friendships and connections. They live their lives under the expectations of others and never reach fulfillment. They lower their standards just to continue to be surrounded by a group of people that motivate them to go absolutely nowhere.

Starting today, recognize and renew your sense of self-worth. There are so many people who know how valuable you really are! However, you should be the first to know! 

-Doc

"As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course."

― Martin Luther King Jr.

Pain. I am sure if many of us had a choice, we would choose to live without it.

It is the feeling that comes after we have been wounded. Wounds. Depending on how we acquire them, they can be deep and processing through them can be overwhelming. Wounds heal in stages. The smaller the wound, the quicker it will heal. The larger or deeper the wound, the longer it takes to heal.

However, after the initial shock of it all. You have acknowledged that you have actually been hurt and fully embrace each step to bring you back from it. You make the decision to engage healing and not remain in a "victim mindset" in contrast to your wounds on any level.

One of the most important keys to healing and reaching wholeness is ridding yourself of the rejection associated with your place of hurt. Rejection actually triggers the same routes and is processed the same as physical pain in your brain. This is the reason that it seems to hurt so much. The feeling of rejection plays with your instinctive need to fit in, and is so troubling that it restricts with your capacity to reason, evoke remembrances and make choices. The sooner you let go of agonizing places of rejection, the better off your mindset will be. Additionally, refuse to meditate, or fret over a past hurt. The memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing.

Be an Idealist, have confidence coupled with expectation and embrace yourself. By taking the route of positive engagement, it increases your ability to experience happiness as you move forward. Keeping optimistic hope at the center allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pain is part of the process, not a place where you stay forever. Get up and live!

-Doc

"The Switch Up: I Refuse To Fail!"

July 17, 2019 - 11:30 a.m.

If a task is once begun, Never leave it 'till it's done. Be the labor great or small, Do it well or not at all.

-Anonymous

One of my greatest fears in life has always been failure. Hence, one of the reasons I work so hard to make things work and work more efficiently for that matter. No matter what task I am given, I want it to maintain its integrity and be purposeful in impact. In other words, whatever I put my hands to in order to create, I always want legacy to be attached to it. This means that I want it to outlast and live beyond me!

However, there were some things that I have taken on during the course of my life were necessary for the development of who I am becoming in the present moment. Education. Teaching. Ministry-Preaching. Leadership. All categories that have engulfed my life for the past 12 years, since leaving undergrad. Fast-Forward. I have done a whole lot. In fact, like me, many of us have. In doing so, we have failed to reflect or at least stop and smell the roses along the way. Boom! Then comes the question, am I really in purpose? Am I in the right place in my life? Am I successful? Am I failing? The occurrences and circumstances that happen along the way can put you in some crazy head-spaces, especially concerning all the things you think about yourself. This place calls for an honest evaluation and some objective perspectives. No matter how accomplished or successful you are at whatever you do, make sure you are not being a success at the wrong assignment; one that is particularly not yours.

Many of us are utterly exhausted because we are pushing ourselves to be successful at the wrong thing. We are trying our best to make it happen instead of organically allowing things to unfold in our lives. We tend to shun and are less than accepting of what we are and gifted with in a natural way because we feel that is less than appealing. We discount our abilities because we do not think they matters or will have impact. We try to force fit ourselves into postures, instead of being in the right place and position to receive the opportunities that we desire. You have to know what you have been called to do! You cannot afford to let unpleasant experiences make you second-guess the purpose that has been instilled on the inside of you. Everything that you need is on the inside of you! It simply has to be cultivated into greatness by the right people.

Even though some of the outcomes in my life, even after giving my best have hurt me to the core, it helped me grow. It helped build me into better! More importantly, it helped me shift my focus on being a success at what mattered most. The same is with you. You no longer have to fear failure, because you can be in the right perspective when it comes to your assignment and purpose. Everything that has happened to you will prepare you for the things that are going to happen for you!

I have learned that each of us have purpose on the inside of us. Our purpose comes alive because it is attached to people to whom we are assigned (in any capacity or demographic). We all have an assignment. The assignment is to advance not just ourselves, but the lives of others in the process. Be YOU. Build as you go. Sow seeds in sincerity. Leave no stones un-turned. Love freely along the way. Experiences prepare you for the promise in front of you!

-Doc

Facing difficulties is inevitable, learning from them is optional" - John Maxwell

Life, in and of itself, can be highly unpredictable. You can be genuine, contribute the best of your efforts with no ill intent, remain open, maintain humility and grace......THEN SLAM! You are in the middle of a place and space that you never expected. People walk away. You are left isolated. You are the talk of the town. Criticism is high. Encouragement is slim to none.

I'm a firm believer that it's how you respond in your moments of discomfort or even in what appears to be defeat that really identifies the kind of person you are at the core. When you can adjust your capacity to find the way in the difficult times, you not only live at an advantage in life, but you also mature as person.

When you stay optimistic, you're putting yourself in the best situation possible to not only make it through those bad times, but become an improved person in the process. You can do one of two things when life takes a turn for the worst or you are placed in an unfair situation. 1) You can remain positive and remind yourself that there really is hope on the other side of it all and that you'll come out okay in the end, or 2) You can give up, walk away and relegate yourself to being nothing more than a victim of circumstance.

When I have found myself in middle of ugly and unfair situations in life (even on some occasions here recently), I like to pick everything apart and see what went wrong and what I could've done differently. Self-assessment is the best assessment. You always have to own your part. However, you do not have to take on anything that is asserted or that you are not guilty of in any shape, form or fashion. You reserve the right to clarify and place truth on anything that has the possibility to end up misunderstood, mismanaged, misinterpreted or even manipulated. I always end up learning something that helps me and I eventually get a really clear picture of what I need to do to make sure I'm not in the same situation again. Or if I do find myself in a similar situation in the future, I know what to do to minimize the difficulty of the situation. You can too! Don't just go through it, but grow through it!

-Doc

HURT. The painful, gut-wrenching feeling that impacts you at the initial point of contact. Nevertheless, the full weight of it is not felt until those "after the fact" moments. It is those moments when you are out of the sight of the public and are faced with both the weight and reality of what just happened to you. Honestly, it does not feel good. Many times, the wound is so deep you are wondering in the back of your mind if you will ever recover or heal. Often, we are faced with the most unlikely series of circumstances because of how we are positioned. The position we are in may cause us to be hurt or take collateral damage across the spectrum. However, we can never be delivered to the other side of pain when we deny it.

My whole life I can say that I have been deemed the underdog. I would go as far as to say 90% of my life has been an unfair situation of sorts. Some would even call me a "Cinderella Story." However, despite no matter how triumphant I may appear to you, I have traveled a pathway through pain that most people would have died walking on. Plainly put, I would not wish my pain on my worst enemy. However, I do not glory in my pain. It has always been by goal to help others either do 1 of 2 things: 1) Find a healthy way to process through it. 2) Become whole on the other side of healing.

When I was younger, my mother was always adamant about me being the bigger person. Yes, I did as she said. Often as a kid, it resulted in many black eyes, bruises, pump knots and tears. As an adolescent, it was enduring things that people said that prompted low self-esteem and tons of second guessing. As an adult, I was legitimately wronged (on several occasions)-like regularly hearing people tell lies about me, seemingly to justify their disdain and mistreatment. This required me to demonstrate self-control while remaining graceful, keeping my mouth shut and permitting people to say/do what they wanted without consequence. In some cases, where I had to face harsh criticisms, hear what people say about me based on other people's dislike and serve with people that would publicly applaud you while planning an attack behind closed doors.

All of these things, carried a places of hurt for me. People often ask me, "Why do you keep going?" They say, "You need to take time to heal." The truth is I have never avoided the realities of my pain. I have simply taken on the mantra "And they were healed as they went (Luke 17:14). I have developed and matured to such a place that I use my pain as a catalyst for forward movement. Healing for me has never meant stop. It should not be for you either! Complaining about unfair situations does not make things just. The ensuing hostility or volatile nature of the environment does not help us effectively address things that need fixing in us or our lives.

The truth is that you cannot create positive change from a negative mindset. You have to heal your pain before you can set out to heal those outside of you. You have to stop seeing yourself as a victim if you want to access your personal place of authority and power.

Accept that your experience was real and that it actually happened. Basically, self-empathy recognizes that painful present moments do not occur in isolation but are a result of multiple past events and the choices made by you or other people. Process your pain so that you can emotionally unburden yourself, so that you are less likely to be triggered by your emotions. A trigger could be a sight, smell, sound, or feeling that reawakens the connection between a painful event and feelings of trauma. Take the time to grieve. Grieving allows you to mourn those feelings and thoughts that have occupied your attention. Conversely, when we avoid pain it numbs us and we are prevented from embracing and experiencing good things. Lastly, resolving pain that comes about as a result of unfair situations can increase your emotional endurance, stamina and increase your faith in your capacity to overcome life's challenges. Where I have been harmed and hurt in life has become my greatest source of victory and strength. It is a testimony and undeniable evidence of my existence. You have authority over the battles that you win. You deserve to be here! You are the proof! All of that to say, "It hurt you, but it helped you!"

-Doc

People will always have opinions of you. These opinions will be based off of what they know, what they think they know (speculation), and what they have heard from other people. These days people say it loud enough so you can hear it and they have no filter. No matter how you try to ignore it, it replays in your mind. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." 

-The Biggest Lies Ever Told

We live in a day and time where if people repeat something so many times or continue to say it frequently, then it absolutely has to be true. The reality is that a lie is already on the run while the truth is tying up its shoes. Often times, people will only say things negatively about you by planting their opinions in others so that other people will find you less appealing.

I spent years trying to behave "appropriately" so that other people would accept me, because underneath I felt like my true self was not good enough according to what "they thought"even though I was a great all-around guy. I was educated. I was successful. I had goals and a career. I was balanced even though I was a ministerial leader. People's opinions did matter or so it seemed because their interactions with me were based on how I was portrayed and not as I was. Therefore, in my developing mindset amid personal growth, they carried a weight and influence that they should not have. I internalized feelings of being unworthy and undeserving, even amid some of my greatest accomplishments. I centered all my efforts around trying to accumulate things that would make me "good enough" for them instead of "great" for me. The weight of their opinions deprived me of my happiness because I was never good enough for myself in my eyes. I even went as far as to dispel any alternative truths and change perceptions that had been painted of me by people who I knew were either jealous, intimidated, public supporters but tearing you down in private or just down right did not like me for whatever reason.

One day, I came to myself. It took that 1 person to objectively issue a strong clarity point. They challenged me to focus on what mattered. What mattered was ME. I stopped. I reflected. I assessed. By careful introspection, I examined the validity of such judgments. I replayed each moment, each comment and each interaction. I was able to shake the opinions by seeing the absurdity of the moment, the people and their credibility. Truthfully, people want you to be good. They just don't want you to be better than them.

Being around people who share your visions and goals is tremendously more helpful than trying to change those who have the opposite agenda of yours. Know thyself. Clarify your personal strengths. Too many of us fall into the trap of making wrong choices in our lives based on others' opinions. Maybe you were particularly drawn to creative work but decided to become a medical doctor because your parents thought that was more sensible. Furthermore, you ended up focusing on improving weaknesses, which can never measure up to the power of just working with your simple strengths. If you live up to who you naturally are daily, you'll be one of the few who follows an authentic life. By flowing with your strengths, you gain greater work satisfaction and become invincible in your character. Be GREAT! Be YOU!

-Doc

Some of us are not okay. We have known we are not okay for quite a while. We can't seem to find words to articulate what we are feeling and going through. We shrug it off because we try to rationalize the fact that it "is not as bad as it seems." In some cases, we have the tendency to deny what it really is because we are faced with an overwhelming place or issue for us to confront. It too much to handle. We make the choice to refuse help because we feel that no one could possibly understand or for the fear of being judged because we are "the strong one" among our group of friends.

Every person needs a friend. Everyone needs that one individual that can tell when something is not right, notices abrupt shifts, and sees the red flags. More importantly, every person needs a village. Every person needs a group of people that will check them, their attitudes, be concerned about their health, be concerned about the direction their life is heading in and challenge them to change for the better.

Transitions in life are difficult. Life can simply be crazy like that in the most unexpected way. Many of us do not handle the slightest of changes well. Sometimes, these transitional spaces are rough (i.e. - break ups, loss of jobs, family issues, unexpected diagnosis, sick parents, etc.). Truth be told, for even the strongest of us, it can wear down and eat away at us. Individuals are searching for safe spaces to find refuge in transitional spaces. They are looking for community. In some cases, they need assistance keeping it together until they get it together.

My mom always said to me, "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future." What does your community say about you? Is it existent? Are they genuinely supporting you? If it is, go out there and make it better. Today, don't text. Face-Time or Video Chat. Pick up that phone and call. Email that individual. Check and see if they are okay. Let them know you are there and that you care. If need be, get them to the help that they need. Most importantly, be consistent in your care in accountability. If that community doesn't exist, find a community or build one. Each one, reach one. So many are suffering beneath the surface. See them as they are and not as you fantasize them to be. Your friends need you!

-Doc

One of the most valuable assets in this life besides our family are our friends. Unfortunately, many of those individuals we identify as our friends really are not. The truth is they are simply associates or affiliates connected to us because of mutual interest or activities.

"It seems so crazy the way the times have changed, people seem to treat you so cold. The way they smile in your face and they talk behind your back, they're not like the friends of old. - The Winans

Friendship, according to the modern interpretation of the day, is not what it used to be. My father always told me, "Your word is your bond!" This generation lacks the understanding of commitment, which makes true friendship (the foundation of relationship), so far-fetched and unattainable. People are connected based on the mutuality, personality preference and convenience, not because they are connected to you or have your best interest in mind.

If we are to experience the height and depth of friendship, we must be a friend first. We must understand that true friendship carries covenant. This current place of my life has taught me the value of covenant, particularly "covenant connections - friendships." Many of us are in defining moments of our lives where we cannot afford to be connected to just anyone. We must have friends who are covenant carriers and are not just positioned in our lives for the sake of convenience in order to simply have someone around. Many of those we "associate with" are embedded assassins waiting on the opportunity to capitalize on your downfall.

These are things you must know:

1) Just because they clap for you, does not mean they are in your corner! They can celebrate you today and crucify you tomorrow.

2) People will attempt to align themselves with you in attempt to gain an advantage over you or gain access to attack you and what you are building.

Covenant friends will hold you accountable. They will guard your vulnerability. They will defend you with the same measure of fervor in your presence as they would in your absence. They will challenge you to be better. Covenant friends want to see you win!

"A friendship that can end was never true."

 - St. Jerome

True friendship carries depth and durability. It evolves and changes, yet it grows stronger. 

If we think of friendship as essentially tentative and transitory, that we enjoy our friends in high school or college, but then lose track of them when we "move on," we will not understand the radical commitment that is the expectation of true friendship. Moreover, without understanding the nature and value of true friendship, we often will not know how to respond with proper support to those who have fallen for its counterfeits. Check you circle! Change your life!

-Doc

Rejection. It hurts. Especially when you have given your all in sincerity to a person, place or endeavor. You feel like you could have done better. You second-guess yourself, your abilities and everything about you.

STOP. Yes, stop crying.

STOP. Absolutely, no more losing sleep over those who are not concerned about you.

STOP. Don't attempt to do anything else. Refuse to "cast your pearls among swine."

You do not have to wear rejection like a stain on your favorite shirt. If you believe in what you have to offer (i.e. - as a person, a brand, a preacher, teacher, professional, etc.), then don't stop offering it because some of those you offer it to reject it. While you are waiting on people that may not love you locally, there are people globally that absolutely adore you and are awaiting what you bring to the table with open arms. You are everything you have been designed to be, even if people ignore it or refuse to recognize it. There are the right people out there on the search for someone just like you. You are valuable. You matter. You are enough. Rejection is re-direction and prevention all wrapped in one. Believe me, it's not the end of the world. Many times, what you want to settle for is not even sustainable. It just looks good in the moment. Don't settle. Refuse to sell yourself short just to be a part of a 'circle of people' who are do not cultivate, challenge or assist in changing you into a better you!

-Doc 

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who do not. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." 

Many of us tend to make the mistake of staying in places and connected to people for too long. We live in a state of frustration and discontentment because our lives becomes a revolving door of second chances, half-hearted apologies with no change, or temporary appeasements only to end up in the same place. However, I always say, "The best apology is changed behavior." When the actions and circumstances do not change, it is time to make a serious assessment.  

Take the time to take inventory of your life at present. Make the decision to disconnect from anything that is toxic, abusive, draining and preventing you from achieving your greatest potential. Separate yourself from those people who do not push you or want to see you progress. Walk away today, so that you embrace the better tomorrow that awaits you. Yes, when you leave some things and people behind, it may be painful at first. However, the life and destiny that is awaiting you on the other side of that temporary moment is worth releasing it to embrace the greater! Let it go and LIVE!

-Doc

So many times we center our lives on people who are connected out of simple affiliation and not investment. They desire everything that we are, even using it for their benefit. However, they are intimidated by our capability to expand beyond them. Their intimidation fueled by insecurity causes them to be destructive and to place you in harm's way on every level.

This can lead to cycles of fruitlessness, exhaustion and disappointment in all dynamics of relationships. If we are to position and posture ourselves for better, we must align ourselves with people who appreciate and respect the totality of our person. Remember, you are never out of options. This is your season of choice.

-Doc